“You don’t understand! My mother will kill me! I cannot challenge her!” a gentleman exclaimed in resignation in a “leaving” and “cleaving” debate once upon a time. He made the violent description of “kill”, in “serious” jest, to demonstrate how utterly difficult it sometimes is to challenge your parents, when they are clearly wrong, even though you are married.

It can be fully accepted that it can be extremely hard, and one can empathize with this situation BUT only for as long as it takes for you to set the “leaving” and “cleaving” boundaries in your marriage, especially to the point where your spouse has reached their tolerance limits. You must, as soon as possible, after you get married. It is what the Word of God says.

Genesis 2:24 KJV
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

The boundaries simply stated is transitioning them from parents who train and instruct you as a child to parents who advise when you ask them for advice.

Your parents role was to raise you. The day you get married, this job of theirs is done.

Ephesians 6:4 NIV
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

You must honour them and provide for their needs but you need not take instruction from them.

Ephesians 6:2-3 NIV
[2] “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— [3] “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

This is an area which has the explosive potential to cause great strife, pain and division in your marriage. You must prioritize it.

God has given you new roles in the oneness of husband and wife. Pray about your approach in setting the boundaries for your parents. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Then be courageous to do the right thing and trust Your Heavenly Father to do the rest. Ask for help from trusted counselors, if you need to, but don’t resign your marriage to being controlled by your parents.

Be encouraged, He knew it would be hard. He also knew that with His grace, you would be able to do it. He knew the hard stuff was how He would grow you into husbands and wives after His own heart.