God never tells us exactly which man to marry, it’s our choice, He has given us that power. He only tells us that we must marry a believer ( 1 Corinthians 7:39 NIV; 2 Corinthians 6:14NIV)
This doesn’t mean we cannot consult him though prayer on exactly which man to marry, we can pray about anything and He will hear us, but ultimately the choice is ours whether we listen or not.
Many of us would have heard about “godly” men doing ungodly things and then we say “but he is supposed to be a Christian” and we “blame” God or Christianity. God and Christianity haven’t done anything, that individual has and we didn’t open our eyes long enough to “see” with godly wisdom but instead through starry eyed romantic infatuation.
It is said that when you warn a woman not to marry a particular man, that’s exactly who she will marry. This is quite understandable as some of us genuinely hope and believe that we can change someone for the better after marriage. We believe we know them “differently” and “better” than anyone else does and that somehow when we have formalized the relationship, through marriage, they will miraculously change.
However, forced change is never real change. Someone who doesn’t want to change, won’t change.
Real change comes by conviction through the Holy Spirit. Forced change is an act that can be perfected with practice, but give it time and the wheels will begin to come off and the true self emerges (it says so in verse 9 below).
Sometimes our marriage problems are as a result of our own disobedience or ignorance and we have to acknowledge that. Sometimes the stars in our eyes can blind us to God’s counsel and we choose to follow our own will, not His. Once we know the truth, we cannot blame anyone but ourselves.
A while ago we wrote a post on the “evidence” in a man’s life that he is a true believer before you marry him, the fruit his “life” has borne. Whilst God tells us directly not to marry an unbeliever, He also gives us lots of wisdom in His Word of the type of character in a person we must stay away from.
The following scripture is very straightforward and we need to think very carefully when we see these signs, “red flags as they are commonly called”, in a potential husband.
2 Timothy 3:2-8 NIV
 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,  treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—  having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.  They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires,  always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.
 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.
In verse 9 it tells you that everyone will see their behavior is wrong, the question is will you?
The Bible has another verse on “red flags” which also refers to believers.
1 Corinthians 5:11 NIV
But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
Study His Word very carefully and then seriously evaluate who you decide to spend the rest of your life with.