I remember when I was teen, I would imagine what my life would be like when I became an adult. I would always say, “I will get married at 25, have my twins at 27 (1 girl and 1 boy) and adopt 2 more children at 29 (maybe another set of twins).” Lol, I really had my life planned out. Oh, but life had a different path for me.
My 30th birthday is coming up soon, September 15th to be specific for those who want to send PayPal cash gifts, lol. I remember turning 29 and feeling depressed at how my life had turned out. With no prospect of a potential suitor and feeling like my career goals had really failed, I felt like my life was a constant face palm emoji. Top that with the added pressure of “are you seeing anyone?”, “when are you getting married?”, “we want a wedding!” questions and demands from well meaning family and friends, but this was like adding salt on a fresh wound. I almost didn’t want to celebrate my birthday and pretend it never happened. Maybe if people didn’t know how old I was there would be less pressure to get married or be “someone”. But the way God has created me, I LOVE BIRTHDAYS and believe they should be celebrated even if we don’t think there’s much to celebrate, life should always be celebrated.
In my disappointment and frustration I was driven to seek God more, I needed to know that He hadn’t forgotten about me. In the last year I have been able to reflect and and see all the good and wonderful things that God has been doing in the midst of what seemed to be failures. He has reminded me of His love for me and that I am never forgotten. He has reminded me that I am important and valued even though I may not fit into the expectations that society had for me.
29 was a year of lessons for me;
1. “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11. In John Gill’s exposition of the Bible, he says of this scripture, “everything is done in the time in which He (God)wills it shall; be done, and done in the time most fit and suitable for it to be done;…” – this scripture reminded me that God has everything planned out for me. Nothing in my life comes as a surprise to Him. My singleness is not a surprise to Him, it has been part of His plan all along. In being able to realize that God’s timing is always perfect I have been learning to hold loosely the desire for marriage. Yes, I do want to get married to the man of my dreams and have an amazing family, but I am learning that my desire for marriage should never become more important than God’s will and purpose for me in this season.
2. “But I trust in you, LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands;” – Psalm 31:14-15. In this season I have learned to trust God whole heartedly. To rely on His leading and not allow the words of others to discourage me. I am reminded that I am not forgotten because my times are in His hands. It has become easier to choose joy and peace over sadness, anxiety and jealousy. It has helped me to genuinely celebrate other people’s victories and be happy for my friends who left “the single zone” and moved into the journey of marriage, to see it as a reminder that God still answers prayers and is faithful to keep His promises.
3. When we go through difficult seasons it becomes easy to just look at the bad. To only see how you have been wronged, how unfairly life has treated you. But I have also learned to see the good that has come out in this season. I think of how terrible this season of uncertainty would have been if I had children to take care of, who were looking up to me to be “super mom” but I was failing to get myself together. I am grateful that this season of my life has happened while I am single and has not affected another human life.
4. “From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled;with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:20-21. I have always been my biggest critic. While it is easy for me to encourage and pray for others I had failed to do the same for myself. I am learning to be kind to myself. To speak well of myself. I remind myself daily that I am loved, I am beautiful and I have purpose. I am learning to see myself the way God sees me, “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
So if you’re like me and you haven’t found your “the one” yet, see this season as a blessing. It’s a time to hide yourself in God and discover what it is that He has called you to do on this earth. Enjoy your singleness, embrace your life fearlessly and just LIVE! Take that trip, try that recipe, start that company, pray for others, visit those orphanages and love on those kids. Whatever it is you feel led to do in this time, DO IT, once you get married and start having kids you won’t have enough time to do it all.
You are loved, you are important and you have purpose!